The Week Before Break

I didn't blog every day this week, which is a bummer to me because I wanted to keep up with documenting every day. So here's a quick recap (more for myself than anyone else).

I was nervous on Monday about coming back post-Sandy Hook tragedy, and just as I knew they would, my kids brought it up. Unfortunately, despite warning the parents that this would happen, about half of the kids didn't know anything about it. So then it was left to me to briefly explain what happened. I was able to explain it quickly, assure them that it happened far away and that they're safe, and then move on. To be honest, I was emotionally fragile all day, and so were a few of my kids. 

On Tuesday, I had a sub and spent the day pulling kids out one at a time to do a math assessment with them. While I was testing Nathan, he got one of the questions right very quickly and I asked him how he knew the answer. "I've been doing math," he said. "I just get my volcano started." I asked what his volcano was. He answered, "It's in my head. It tells me what six plus six is... and it tells me what all math is. It only starts when I'm fast." 
Later, when Kendal saw the number 100, she exclaimed, "100! My favorite number! But my real favorite number is a whole week off for a thousand days." That's my favorite number too, Kendal.

What is sweet and wonderful about first graders is that they actually love school so much that they were all sad about winter break coming. And also offended that I was excited for it. Sorry, buddies, I love you. But I need a break. See you next year! 

Innocence Lost

I first heard about the Sandy Hook tragedy during lunch on Friday from my co-worker, who had heard second-hand from someone else. We didn't know much. I made the mistake of looking at cnn.com before I picked my kids up from recess, and then had a hard time pulling myself back together. None of the kids knew about it until after school that day.

I usually try not to engage too much in the media surrounding these kinds of tragedies, mostly because I have a hard time emotionally handling it. But it's different with this one. It hits too close to home for me. I see stories about Victoria Soto who was a first grade teacher in her late twenties, and I can't help but relate to her. I can only hope and pray that I would be as brave and protective as she was in that situation. I see pictures and stories about the children, all twenty of them first graders, and I can't help but think of each and every one of my own students. I think about the lockdown drill we spent months talking about, and I want to know more details about what happened because I want to know what I would have or should have done had I been there.

I've always taken some comfort in working at an elementary school. When we talk about Columbine and the other school shootings that have happened in my very own district, I think to myself, "Those are high schools. Or even middle schools. Not elementary schools - that would never happen here." It is absolutely incomprehensible to me that it did.

I am dreading going to school tomorrow morning. I know my students, and I know that they'll bring it up. When we had to practice the lockdown drill, they wanted to talk about it for hours. When there was a kidnapping and murder nearby, they wanted to talk about that extensively too. As a result, my sweet little Kendal is too scared to go to the bathroom by herself because "a bad guy might be in there." I don't remember having these kinds of fears as a child. I was scared of the dark and of ghosts, but there was no such thing as a school shooting. The first national tragedy I can remember was the Oklahoma City bombing, which was when I was in 5th grade. Columbine happened my freshmen year of high school. I didn't grow up with these kinds of things as a reality, we didn't have lockdown drills. I feel like there is a saddening amount of innocence lost for these children who now have every right to fear going to the movies, walking in their neighborhoods, and going to school. It is absolutely heartbreaking to me.

My goal for tomorrow, should it be brought up, is to acknowledge their feelings or fears, encourage them that everyone in our school works hard to ensure their safety, and then not dwell on it. I want for us to be able to focus on fun and learning and Christmas and everything good this week. 

In the meantime, I'll continue to pray for Sandy Hook and for our world. I am especially grateful in times like these to have faith in something bigger and better than the life we have on this earth. 

Nathan's Dogs

Nathan was telling me about his dogs this morning, and now I will share what I learned with you:

He has four dogs. 

The oldest one is really old, and she seemed like she might die, but she's okay. 

All of them are really sad because they're still thinking about tornadoes. 

How I Became a Pirate

A glimpse into my morning conversations: 

Everett: "Hey... I just noticed that you're a big person and you have small ears. They're small. And you're big. That's funny."



We went on a field trip today to go see a locally performed musical, "How I Became a Pirate." It was really cute, and the kids were fairly good audience members, except for the part when Presley was crying loudly because Abbie pinched her fingers or something. Then she sat in my lap for the rest of the performance.

After the show, we stayed at the center and played on the playground for a bit while we waited for the bus. There is a giant sculpture of a sea monster that spans the entire playground, and you can climb all over it. As a child, I would have been absolutely enthralled with it. I kind of was as an adult. At one point I heard Johnny yelling my name, and looked over to find this: 

He was literally stuck on the tip of the sea monster's tail. And yes, I stopped to take a picture before I helped him down. 

Productivity

I decided to take the day off today to get some things done. So while my kids were busy with the sub, I got my oil changed, did all of my Christmas shopping, went to the bank, and had a dentist appointment. It was a very productive day, and it made me feel like a good and responsible adult. I may have children kill spiders for me, but at least sometimes I can take care of myself.

Magic from Nathan

During our morning meeting today, Nathan looked up at me and said, "Hey... you're magic..." Apparently he had some sort of rash on his leg that was going away, which he attributed to me being magic and taking care of that for him. When some of the kids laughed, I said, "Maybe I am magic... How do you know?" Gavin looked at me very seriously and replied, "Because you're not a musician." 

Another great moment with Nathan happened later in the day during reading groups. Nathan was supposed to have written the word used, but instead wrote something like "nsd." I asked Nathan why he had an 'n' in there if the word is 'used' and he said, 

"I wrote nused." 

"Nused is not a word, Nathan." 

"Yes, it is." 

"Okay then use it in a sentence."

"I nused... candy." 

Amelie

Nothing really funny or interesting happened today, but I want to tell you about my little Amelie because she's cute and I love her. And because today I decided to make her my Top Cougar of December which is an award given to kids who are outstanding students.

I knew I loved Amelie right away because she shares a name with one of my all-time favorite movies. She is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, precious little Swedish angel. Even though she's not a native English speaker, she's my best writer and one of my top readers. She is also the only girl who plays soccer with all of the boys everyday. Overall, she's a way cooler person than I could ever hope to be.

This week, my love for Amelie grew because of two awesome things: 

1. All she wants for Christmas is a nutcracker. A girl nutcracker with a crown. That's it, nothing else.

2. She made me this: 

It's a lion/monster made out of fuzz balls, delivered to me wrapped in a piece of felt.

Dude

Presley, who is habitually faking sickness among other things, has been really ramping it up lately. She complains constantly about her stomach hurting, and despite me reading The Boy Who Cried Wolf to them, she continues to do so. I told her that if she really is having stomach problems all the time then she ought to go see a doctor because it might be something serious. She didn't have much of a response to that. But on our way in from recess today, she yelled several times, "There is too much gas in me!!" She just needed everyone to know.

During reading groups, we're working on a big poster about Jan Brett's Wild Christmas Reindeer book. Nathan was putting in minimal effort when it came to his illustration, and every time I told him that he just needs to try his best, he told me that he never tries his best. And he seemed very fine with that. Well he finally put more details in his drawing, and I said, "See! Look how nice it is when you try!" To which Nathan replied, "I'm not trying, dude. I'm just looking in my brain."

Rotten Meat

We had ELF again today, which is where a few parent volunteers come in and teach the kids  for two hours while I get time to plan/organize/do whatever I want. That, along with it being an early release day, made for a very easy and enjoyable Wednesday. 

For math we've been working on coloring in a quilt pattern, which is obviously way more fun than most kinds of math. While working on his quilt, Jake said to me, "I don't want to be rotten meat." After I asked Jake to repeat himself to make sure I heard him right, I replied, "Then don't be rotten meat." He threw his hands in the air and said, "You don't get it, do you?? I just want to keep doing my pattern forever and ever!" 

I guess I must have missed something there. 

Christmas Sing-Along

Today was the school holiday choir concert, which is one of my most favorite things about working in an elementary school. The choir is open to fourth, fifth, and sixth graders, and so some of my post precious babies from last year are in it. They sang several Christmas songs, and then the audience got to join in for a sing along. Singing Christmas carols with a room full of hundreds of children may be one of the most heart-warming things ever! 

Quotes

My favorite quotes of the day: 

Kendal: "Presley's scratch on her face creeps me out." 

Nathan: "I'm really into objects today." 

Health Challenge

Last year a few of my co-workers and I started a health challenge. We competed to see who could earn the most points by eating vegetables, drinking water, staying away from sweets, working out, and things like that. At the time I told my third graders a little bit about it so that they would help me to remember to drink my water. Two full Nalgenes a day is a lot.

The other day two of my former students, sassy little Ida and one of my all time favorites Ethan, came into my room to bring me some cupcakes for Ethan's birthday. I told them that I quite regrettably couldn't take any, and Ida said with her hand on her hip, "Because you're back on your challenge?" Yes, Ida, I am.

Well I didn't think that any of my first graders overheard me, but apparently they did. Today another former student, Alice, was in our classroom to tell us about the student council toy drive that starts next week. She was asking the kids if they wanted to win a pizza party or an ice cream party, and I raised my hand along with them when she asked who loves ice cream. Then Jake yelled, "You can't have any ice cream right now Miss G!" And Rylyn chimed in, "Yeah! You're on a diet!" Thanks for reminding me, buddies. 

Lockdown!

A while back I wrote about how we were preparing for a lockdown drill at our school. Well about six weeks after first talking about it, we finally had one today. We practiced a few times as a class because the first two test-runs involved a lot of rushing, yelling, and pushing. When it came time for the actual drill, the kids moved quickly and quietly into our hiding corner while I grabbed my emergency backpack, locked the door, and turned off the lights. Since I don't have windows to the outside world, it was shockingly dark in my room. We all huddled together and sat still and silent... for about 60 seconds. It's amazing how six year olds can't sit in one place for any extended period of time. I told them they could close their eyes and fall asleep if they wanted, and I ended up with the kids all leaning on one-another in a giant restless dog pile. Boy were they squirmy - for the whole twenty minutes that we had to sit in the dark! Compared to past lockdowns, apparently that's nothing. Some drills have lasted an hour or more. I can't even imagine.

Boy Teachers

Today on the playground Presley told me, "Every year I tell my mom I hope I don't have a boy teacher." I told her that my first grade teacher was a man and that I've had some wonderful male teachers. Her response: "But boy teachers are always old. And they're not good at doing ladies' hair." I can't argue with that logic. 

Do Not Open Until Lunch

I'm not sure if that's I just needed a long break, or if I've had an attitude adjustment, or if they've grown on me, or if they really are more independent and capable, or a little bit of all of the above. But either way, I have to admit, it's getting better. I'm actually starting to really love, not just tolerate or like, teaching first grade. 

Plus, things like this (from Nathan) really help: 

To Miss G, from Santa. Do not open until lunch. Ho ho ho.

An Eventful Return

By some miracle, Thanksgiving break actually felt pretty long. I had a seriously wonderful week catching up with old friends, spending time with family, and even going to my high school reunion. By the end of the week I was in full-on vacation mode, which certainly didn't make going back to work today easy. I wasn't sure what to expect with the kids having been off for a week, and I definitely didn't expect my day to be as eventful as it was.

First, I got two pieces of sad news: One of my students' parents are getting a divorce and her mom moved out this week. It sounds like it's happening as amicably as possible, but it's still heartbreaking to see any kid go through that. And secondly, my precious little Philip is moving! Philip was my late-comer who arrived from Korea mid-September. He is so cute and bright and well-behaved, and I'm really sad he's leaving. He has two more weeks here, and then is headed back to Korea for 6 months and then to Canada after that. Poor kid. 

Then my nightmare happened: Elizabeth threw up in the classroom. I looked over during Daily 5 time to see her standing with vomit in her hands and all around the floor underneath her (you're welcome). I am not a good handler of vomit - not one bit. And the idea of having a kid throw up in my classroom has always terrified me, and luckily it's never happened to me before today. But guess what? I handled it like a champ! I calmly walked the poor little angel out of the classroom and into the bathroom, had a kid go inform the office (and janitor!), helped wash Elizabeth off, and did it all without gagging (too much). This seriously might be the most proud I've been of myself all year. 

Also some funny things happened, including this: Rylyn was showing us her Star Student poster this morning and had covered it with a variety of Barbie stickers. The kids were asking her about her poster and giving her compliments, and Johnny had several to give. For his last one, he stood up, bashfully mumbled "Oh gosh," pointed to the a sticker on the poster and asked, "Who is that hot girl?" I could barely stop laughing long enough to whisper to him that we don't call girls "hot."

And while I didn't actively miss my kids over vacation one bit, I was reminded today of how fun and hilarious they are to be around. On the way to lunch Jake asked me, "Can I chomp down a tree outside? 'Cause I'm half beaver." I told him he could. I may have missed them after all. 

The Taylor Swift Who Cried Wolf

I've written before about Presley and how I caught her discussing with Anna when they might "need to go to the clinic." The "clinic" is the school nurse. And they don't actually ever need to go - they're fakers. This happens all of the time, and so one day very soon I am going to read the class The Boy Who Cried Wolf and let them think on that for a bit.

Well today, Presley, who I also overheard telling another kid that her nickname is Taylor Swift, said: "Probably at some point today I'm not going to feel good. Just so you know." Thanks for the heads-up Taylor Swift.

I Love to Read Day

Part of my behavior management for my class revolves around earning "paws" which can be earned by positive individual behaviors as well as class behavior. Once we've earned enough paws, we get to celebrate our accomplishments with a Paw Party. Today was our first Paw Party of the year, and we decided on a pajama party/I Love to Read Day. Everyone wore their PJs to school (except for me because I had to sit in meetings all afternoon) and brought stuffed animals and blankets and pillows. It was an early release day, so our school day was super short as it was, but the kids got to spend the morning just relaxing and reading. Or "reading." I Love to Read Day really turned into I Love to Build Forts and Play with Stuffed Animals and Chat with my Friends Day. I even turned on some Explosions in the Sky Pandora music, but the longest stretch they were able to sit still and read for was maybe about 15 minutes. 

I think our next Paw Party will involve running laps outside. 

Calipittar

Today Riley, who is one of my sweetest and most precious angels, shared a book she wrote with the class. (I forgot to take pictures, but I will add some in later.) She wrote a five or 6 page picture book over the weekend, all on her own, and it was phenomenal! It was called The Lonely Caterpillar, and it was about a lonely caterpillar (duh) who meets a butterfly and asks to be his friend. As Riley was reading it to the class, she kept saying "calipittar" instead of "caterpillar". And every time she said it, my whole body seized up with joy overload and my heart swelled to twice its size. Cutest thing ever.

Almost

22 report cards. 4 more days. I can do this.

And Thanksgiving break will be sooooo worth it! 

Sick

It was really only a matter of time before they got me sick. I've got a sinus head cold thing happening, and it certainly didn't make teaching any easier today.

Kendal was out with the stomach flu the last two days, but she came back today. Riley, who sits next to her, said, "I think Kendal gave me her stomach thing." Kendal heard this, got very teary, and angrily exclaimed, "No I didn't!" I explained to her how germs spread, and how we say that somebody gave us germs even though we know they didn't do it on purpose. To which Kendal replied, "I don't want her copying my stomach flu!" Perfectly reasonable. 

Thankful

Every year my school puts on a special Veterans Day assembly, and I spend the whole time holding back tears. The fifth graders, all decked out in red, white, and blue, sing a multitude of patriotic songs to an audience that includes family members who have served in the armed forces. Kelsey's uncle, who served in the Navy, was there in his "outfit" as Kelsey put it. As I was walking my students out of the gym at the end of the assembly, I could hear them saying to Kelsey's uncle as they passed, "Thank you for serving!" It was enough to make one weep.

An actual miracle happened during writing time today. For over thirty minutes my whole class was sitting working silently on their writing. I played an "ambient" station on Pandora while they wrote, which I think helped. (Jake asked if I had any Taylor Swift.) They were all putting so much effort into writing what they were thankful for, using everything I spent the last two weeks teaching them, and I was beaming with pride and joy. Many of them were thankful for their families, a couple for our country and army, quite a few were thankful for me (too cute!), and Nathan was thankful for tornadoes. 

Good News

I was pretty thrilled at last night's election results for a variety of reasons, both locally, nationally, and in other states. But the one that hit closest to home and will actually impact my life is that the county I work in finally passed a bond/mill levy that will save our district from drowning financially. Not only will I see a little bit of extra money this year, but this actually gives me a chance at having a job next year! I am on a temporary one-year contract, so no matter what my job is up in the air, but now I actually stand a chance to get to stay where I am. As opposed to the guaranteed unemployment had it failed. Before school this morning, two of my old students came into my room and with wide open arms and cheered, "You get to keep your job!" Nothing could have made me happier. 

Election Day!

We talked briefly about the election this morning. I intended to try and do some election focused lessons, or a kid's vote, or something, but life got the best of me before I was able to make it happen. But we did talk about it during the morning meeting. Jake talked extensively about everything he knew about "Rock Obama and Mitt Ronany" and how one of the congressmen running would "take away a woman's right to choose." This is a serious topic, obviously, but I couldn't help but laugh hearing it come out of the mouth of a six year old who is years away from having a clue of what that means. At one point Everett and Johnny started chanting "Mitt Romney! Mitt Romney!" but I shut it down. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, I would have shut down any Obama chants too, but my Obama supporters are more reasonable and controlled than that. 

Boom. 

Poop

Today my room smelled like poop. Actual poop. I think it started sometime after recess. At first I couldn't tell if someone had an "accident" or if someone stepped in something foul. I spent most of the day trying to smell it out, to no avail. 

Where it came from, the world may never know...

Charlotte

Last night I had the privilege of getting to see Barack Obama in person. It was 100% worth the 4 hour hunger-crazed wait. As a teacher, I know that I'm not allowed to share any political beliefs with my students or even tell them who I'm voting for. I don't totally get why this matters when the people I'm "influencing" are six, but whatever. I follow the rules. But I also feel like seeing the President of the United States is a big deal, no matter what your politics, and worth sharing with my students. And it raised some hilarious questions and comments. For example, Anna said that she knows that if the president dies, then the woman takes over. I gleaned that she was referring to Sarah Palin as a VP candidate. And then Presley said, "A woman has been president before." "No, there has not been a woman president yet," I said. "Yes, there has!" "Not of the United States, no." "Yes, there was one!" I don't understand why they don't believe that I might know more than them.

Later in the day we had free choice time and I was sitting grading papers when a large shiny black plastic-looking spider, like no spider I had ever seen, came waltzing by my desk. I made some sort of loud reactive sound, and all of the kids rushed over to see what it was. I encouraged them to help me kill it, but really just stayed in my seat as they all started to stomp near it. One girl finally got it and I felt a wave of relief. Then I got two kleenexes and attempted to pick its dead body off the floor but flinched and hesitated because it was so disgusting. So Anna grabbed the kleenex out of my hand and calmly picked up the body and threw it in the trash. Sometimes I'm so terrible at being an adult.

After the spider-killing, I remembered that we are actually reading Charlotte's Web right now, and in the next chapter we meet Charlotte (who is a spider if you had no childhood). I hope I didn't traumatize my students too much, and I'm guessing that will be the last spider we kill this year. 

Post-Halloween Depression

I wasn't sure if the kids would be really tired or really wound up the day after Halloween. Turns out it was a weird combination of both that lead to some pretty crazy emotions.

Kendal slumped in first thing in the morning and sadly mumbled, "I want it to be Halloween again. It was so fun." And then she looked like she was about to cry. I totally understand how she feels - I always go through post-_____ depression. Be it a concert, a holiday, a book, a trip - I hate when things end. But then I just need to find a new thing to look forward to. So I read them a book about Thanksgiving to fix the post-Halloween blues. I'm not sure if it helped - Thanksgiving is not nearly as fun as Halloween when you're six. Or when you're an adult. 

Happy Halloween!!

I love Halloween. I love dressing up and I love candy. I was Dooneese - Kristen Wiig's SNL Lawrence Welk show character with tiny hands - for Saturday night festivities. But that costume didn't really feel school appropriate, so I went through all of my costume clothes last night to put something else together. I combined a skirt from being a dragon-ballerina, a shirt from being a tree, and my gold wings from being a snitch and called myself a tree fairy. I think it worked. I put it on during lunch (because we weren't allowed to wear them all day), and went to pick up my kids, and they were all very excited and showered me with compliments. Except that they kept calling me Tinkerbell. I am decidedly not a fan of Tinkerbell, so I was sure to distinguish the difference. 

After we came inside, Anna and Kelsey told me, "A boy in the other class said you weren't pretty." And I said, "Okay. But you don't need to tell me that." They proceeded to tell me at least two more times.

The kids were absolutely adorable! Presley was Taylor Swift - complete with cowboy boots, pink guitar, and long wavy blonde hair. We sang a couple of T Swift songs together earlier in the day. It was a real bonding moment.

We had a wide range of kittens, pirates, princesses, Star Wars characters, and so on. And we got to spend our afternoon having a parade around the school to see everyone else's costumes - which is something that I wish adults would have too. 

Happy Halloween!! 

Um, about this blog thing...

My original intention with this blog was to have a place to put all of my thoughts about this year - the funny stories, the frustrations, the hardships, all of it. The last three months haven't been easy for me, for a variety of reasons - some of which I'm feeling very unaware of and trying to figure out. Teaching first grade was never my dream job, but I decided to take on the challenge this year in hopes that I could eventually get back to teaching older kids. I just wanted this blog to be a place for me to process all of the craziness of this year and share it with my friends and family. I never wanted or intended for strangers to read this. I only share little snippets of my day, not my whole day, and I don't think this blog in any way gives a good or clear picture of who I am or what kind of teacher I am. Even when the posts are about my frustrations or mistakes, I want it to be known that I deeply love and care about my students and treat them as such. 

Tonight I came home after a rough day and wrote a post about a mistake I made and about how terribly awful I felt about it. I posted it in the mindset that the people who would read it are people that know and love me and understand where I'm coming from. Instead I got a comment from a stranger (I'm assuming) that totally dragged me down. I know I am sometimes negative on here (although in looking back on my posts, I think that the majority of them revolve around the cute/hilarious/bizarre parts of first grade), and I have been actively pursuing positivity and gratitude because I don't like being as negative/complain-y as I've been. Often when I get around to this at the end of the day, and my energy is absolutely drained, the complaints are all that I have left. And for that I apologize. What I might call "keeping it real" can absolutely be perceived as ungrateful whining. And that's not who I want to be.

So, um, if you don't know me, please don't read my blog. I'm not writing it for you. I'm writing it for my friends who I don't get to talk to everyday and who like to read this, or so they tell me. Please also know that I am a very loving, gentle, and affectionate teacher (at least most of the time) and I am working myself sick trying to make sure these kids learn and grow as much as possible. So please don't judge me for being crabby sometimes. And if I continue blogging (which I am considering not doing), I'll try and just keep to the positive stuff and save the frustrations for people who understand me and who understand how difficult it is to be a teacher. 

The end.

I like wor herr

This morning Nathan handed me a plain white piece of paper with this note written on it: 

I had to ask him to read it to me, and apparently it says: "Miss G, I like your hair and you are pretty." 

There are definitely some nice things about teaching first grade. 

Not a Fan

Fridays are always the best days. Not only because the weekend is almost finally here, but also because we get to have things like free-choice time and study buddies. I'm sure I've already mentioned this, but our Friday afternoon time with our fourth grade buddies is my favorite part of the week. Six of my favorite former students are in our buddy class, and I love being able to see them and chat with them every week. Today we played a math game with our buddies where they needed to make a prediction of what number this spinner would land on the most. Kendal (who recently didn't want to answer a math problem correctly because the boy was right) showed me her paper when she was finished. She was supposed to write about whether or not her prediction was correct. Instead she wrote something along the lines of: "I don't want it to be 4 because I am not a fan." I asked her what she had written and she said, "I'm not a fan of 4." "You don't like the number 4?" I asked. She adamantly shook her head and said no, and made an expression that let me know she was very serious about this. I asked her why not, and she said, "Because I'm little. I don't like 4 because I'm little." She's still my favorite. 

Uuggghhhhh

We've been in school for 47 days. It feels like a million.

Only 130-something to go. It feels like millions of millions.

Yeah, that's where I'm at right now. 

Can I just have a job that involves listening to Taylor Swift all day and emailing my friends about it? I'm totally serious. That's what I want out of life right now.

Blackout!

At about 9:00 this morning, we had a blackout. My classroom is an interior room, meaning that the one and only tiny window that I do have goes out to the hallway. Luckily the emergency light came on, but it only cast a small area of dim light in my room. Also luckily I had two parent volunteers in the room at the time. I tried to get the kids to sit still and listen to a story, but they seriously couldn't handle it. They were all holding hands and cuddling up next to each other because they were scared or something. Then someone declared that they needed to go to the bathroom, and then they ALL desperately needed to use the bathroom right that second. The girls' bathroom emergency light didn't come on, making it pitch black in there, so I sent one of the moms in with my phone to use as a flashlight. Eventually I decided to just take the kids outside (as did about half of the other teachers) for some early recess time. At 9:45 the lights came back on and I was honestly disappointed. I knew I couldn't get any teaching done with the lights out, but I was kind of hoping for our afternoon of meetings to be cancelled. Oh well.

During our (three and half hour) afternoon of meetings, we were looking over a writing prompt we had given our kids the week before. Reading first grade writing is a skill that I think I'm fairly good at, but sometimes I have absolutely no idea. Just take a look at this gem: 

The prompt was to "tell about a time when you were happy." Here is how I read this: "When I was a ??. A ?? is fun. Whenever to. In the past too. In the future." You really nailed it, Josh.

The Gig is Up!

I'm not going to lie, I hated today. It was partially my own fault - I saw Cloud Atlas last night (so crazy! so good!) and then stayed up way too late reading and thinking about it. So I came to school already very tired, and none too excited to be there, and I think that contributed to my annoyance with the kids. Not to mention that they were extremely chatty and obnoxious and it was my first time dealing with Johnny in a week.

Anyway.

My students constantly and consistently ask if the can go to the clinic (the nurse). It might be for a little scratch or a stomach ache or something they need ice for. (Side note: They seem to need ice for everything! Bruises, bumps, a piece of dust in their eye, headaches... Ice feels awful on headaches, you fakers!) I usually try and convince them that they don't need to go to the clinic - because they don't - but will eventually let them go if it seems necessary, or if I am just sick enough of them asking. Well today as I was walking them in from recess, from behind me I heard Presley say, "Anna, let's go to the clinic tomorrow." Um, excuse me?! I just kept walking and said loudly, "I heard you Presley!" And then I let her know that I'll never let her go to the clinic again unless she's actually bleeding or throwing up. Is that reasonable? 

My Day Off

I didn't go into work today so that I could sit and listen to Taylor Swift's new album all day. 

Just kidding. Kind of.

I had already planned on taking today off (and stayed at work until almost 6:00 on Friday to make sub plans for it) in anticipation of the birth of my niece. My sister-in-law was scheduled for a c-section today, but on Saturday morning, miss Adalene Valery decided to make her debut early!!

Now that this little lady exists in the world, I'm not too interested in much else. I would mostly just like to hang out with her, even though she pretty much just sleeps all the time.

Since everything was already lined up with my sub, I decided to just keep my day off today, and it was delightful! I immediately downloaded the new Taylor Swift album when I woke up, which I have listened to all day and am loving! (Except that, emotionally, I could have really used this album three months ago. Oh well.) 

I took some time to clean a bit, take care of some bills, visit my niece and her parents in the hospital, and then spend time with my life-long friend Caitlin who is visiting from San Diego. All in all, it was a beautiful day, and I loved it about a million times more than being at school. Which feels sad to say, because I used to really miss my kids when I'd take days off. I do hope that I can get to that place of enjoyment with my job with my first graders. In the meantime, I'll just squeeze in as much T Swift time and, more importantly, Adalene time as I can when I'm not at work.

Miles and Miles and Miles

Today Gavin was sharing some writing he did about a time that he went cliff jumping on a family vacation, and this exchange happened: 

(As you read this, please keep in mind that Gavin says his r's and l's as w's, which makes it all the more precious.)

Me: "How high was the cliff you jumped off of?"
Gavin: "Well... it was probably like... 20 miles?"
Me, shaking my head: "No."
Gavin: "Well... like 10 miles?"
Me, still shaking my head: "No."
Gavin: "Well probably at least a mile." 

Word of the Day

Much like Sesame Street, except way less fun, everyday we have a word of the day. All this really means is that the kids copy the word and write sentences with it in this book first thing in the morning. Then we put the word on our word wall and we take a few minutes to give examples of sentences that use the word. Today our word was 'if,' and Rylyn shared the following sentence: "If you are not nice to me, I will still be nice to you." This is not Rylyn's actual M.O., but I was proud of her for saying that, so I gave her a lot of praise and said it was "the best sentence I had ever heard." Every other kid in the class wanted that same kind of praise, so all of the next sentences I heard went something like: "If you don't love me, I'll still love you," "I will be your friend even if you are a girl or a boy," and "If you'll be my friend, I'll be your friend." And then Emily said, "If you are black, I'll still love you." 

What?!?

Guess how I handled it? I totally brushed it under the rug and moved on. Because what do you say to that? I can't be like, "That's called racism. We need to treat everyone the same!" because that's what she's saying herself! 

Sorry, everyone, if I really failed there. 

I Don't Like Boys

We had a math problem today that read something like this: 

There was a fish tank that held 6 fish - some big, some little.

Max said there could be 2 big fish and 4 little fish.

Rosa said there could be 1 big fish and 4 little fish.

Who is right? 

I was working on this with Kendal, and she originally wrote that Rosa was correct. We talked through it and figured out the math, but then Kendal said, "But I wanted Rosa to be right!" I asked her why, and she replied, "I don't want Max to be right, because he's a boy and I don't like boys!" For a long time, she seriously refused to change her answer even though she knew it was wrong. I even tried to convince her by saying, "Max could be a girl! Jessica Simpson has a baby girl named Max," but she wasn't going for it. She finally changed her answer, but wrote 'Max' in her absolute worst handwriting on purpose. It was awesome. 

Follow Your Heart

Today I read a version of The Princess and the Pea to my little ones. The Prince had met many beautiful princesses but was not in love with any of them - he was looking for just the right one, his "perfect princess." At this point in the story, Johnny loudly interrupted, "You're the perfect princess!" And the rest of the class enthusiastically agreed. The princess in the picture has long brown hair with bangs, which was very exciting for everyone as they yelled, "It's you! You're the perfect princess!" I didn't hate it. 

During recess, Presley approached me ready to tattle on someone (you can just tell when that's their intention). She said, "Kendal is crying because Rylyn told her to just follow her heart!! Isn't that so mean?" So mean. 

Babies and Puppies

I had my post-observation conference with my principal today. She had a lot of really positive things to say about my teaching, which was wonderfully comforting. I am feeling so so lucky to have such an amazing principal this year! It really makes a world of difference. 

I feel like I'm running out of cute and funny stories to tell. Maybe because I'm becoming cynical or maybe because their annoying tendencies are overshadowing any cuteness. 

Today, as Zoe was coming over to my table for reading groups, I saw something bright green peek out of her mouth for a second. I asked her what was in her mouth, and she just stood there and stared at me and refused to move or say anything or open her mouth at all for several minutes. I just kept asking her what she had in there, like she was an actual baby. Or a puppy. Except that with a baby or puppy I would just force their mouth open and stick my hand in there, but I obviously couldn't do that with her. Eventually, probably because she could see that I was getting seriously mad, she spit a little beaded bracelet out of her mouth. 

Oh the joys of teaching first grade!

Tough Stuff

This last week of work turned out to be pretty emotionally difficult. Last Wednesday at our staff meeting, we had to talk about our lockdown drill practice, which is what we do if there is an intruder in the building. I work in the same district as Columbine High School, and also the district Jessica Ridgeway went to school in. If you don't live in Colorado and hadn't heard, Jessica was kidnapped over a week ago, and her body was found this last Thursday. So on Friday, everyone in the district was asked to wear purple in memory/ hope for Jessica (they hadn't confirmed anything by then). Plus, I needed to prepare my students for our lockdown drill that might be taking place tomorrow. What this all accumulated in was an hour-plus discussion about how to try and keep ourselves safe in a number of scenarios. I seriously hate talking about all of this - it makes my heart pound and my stomach hurt, and I had tears waiting right below the surface. The kids had dozens of 'what if' questions, some of which I didn't even know how to answer. I didn't want to scare the kids - they are only six years old - but it's also necessary to prepare them the best I can. I think if anything it all scared me more than them. 

Please be praying for Jessica Ridgeway's family and friends. And that her killer would be caught quickly. Seriously. 



But here's something light-hearted too: I was reading a picture book about a bear who was scared, and the other animals were giving him hugs. Jake said, "They should give him bear kisses! My sister and I do bear kisses!" I asked what bear kisses were, and he stuck his whole tongue out and licked the air like it was an ice cream cone a few times. Gross. 

Scientific Facts

I had my first of three formal observations by my principal today. This is something that you grow very accustomed to in your first few (several?) years of teaching. Last year, I was observed by the principal who hired me right before she left her position mid-year. It went terribly. She interrupted me several times throughout the lesson, made me feel like I had done a terrible job, and then never actually wrote an evaluation for me before she left because she was totally checked-out by that point. Fast forward to last March, in the middle of me thinking I no longer had a job at my school, I got observed three times in one month (in the middle of state testing) by a very intimidating evaluator that I didn't even know. All of this is to say that having my principal, who I greatly respect and truly like, come in today felt like a breeze comparatively. I think it went well, and she even left a really kind note in my mailbox saying some great things she saw and that we'll talk more on Monday. 

I must have been holding a lot of tension or anxiety or something in leading up to my observation because after it was over I was totally exhausted. I was supposed to teach math, but just could not bring myself to do it. So instead of saving our video that went along with ELF for Friday, like I intended to, we watched it today. It was about photosynthesis, and as we talked about it after the video, our discussion somehow took a turn towards talking about planets and stars and the rotation of the earth. And then every kid wanted to share the amazing scientific facts they knew - like how "that line in the middle of the globe (the equator) is really hot because all of the lava from inside the earth is coming out of it." I might be the most scientifically-challenged adult I know, but at least I knew that was way off base.

Later in the day, we were talking about families for social studies, and one of my babies raised her hand and asked, "What if both your mom and your dad are in jail?" I already knew this about her, and that she lives with her aunt, but had never talked about it with her at all. While the rest of the kids were writing about their families, I pulled her aside to have a chat. Her aunt had mentioned during conferences that her mother would be getting out soon, which frankly makes me a little nervous for how that's going to affect my student. After asking her just a couple of questions, the floodgates opened and she kept telling me story after story, all of which were heartbreaking to one degree or another. I let her know that whenever she is feeling sad or angry (which I can see in her often) she can come talk to me. About fifteen minutes after we talked, she came up to me and said, "Thank you for letting me talk to you about my family," and it took everything I had not to burst into tears.

One of the most overwhelming things about this job for me is how much I grow to love these little people, and how little control I have over what their lives look like. 

ELF

We had ELF this morning - Environmental Learning for the Future. Or something. ELF is basically the best thing ever. A group of volunteer parents come in and run a bunch of hands-on science stations for the kids, leaving me free to get some work done for about two hours. Unfortunately, it only happens every six weeks or so, which is not nearly often enough in my opinion. Afterwards, a few of the parents talked to me about what a handful my class is, and how they "don't know how I do it." Me neither, ladies. Me neither.

Keon and Jake have started pretending that their water bottles are beer bottles... I think. They keep cheers-ing each other and then taking a big dramatic swig of water. Then they giggle a whole lot and slouch while they sit. 

What do I even do with this?! 

Mommies Don't Have Bones

For our social studies unit, we are talking about characteristics of ourselves. We made two different bubble maps about ourselves - one describing the way we look and another describing who we are on the inside. As I was modeling how to do it by making bubble maps about myself, Josh recommended, "You have bones! On the inside." Obviously, totally not getting it. I responded, "Well, all people have bones, and we're talking about things that  describe me and help make me unique." Then Johnny chimed in, "Mummies don't have bones!" Except I thought he said mommies. And mummies do have bones, Johnny.

On a totally different note, I'm trying to focus my non-work life on getting healthier. I have gained at least 5 pounds since school started, due to all of the stress and eating my feelings. One time in Seattle, I was watching a really awesome made-for-tv movie with Julie and Laura about Nikki Blonsky being fat. There was a scene where she ran home crying, threw open the freezer, and dramatically sobbed into her ice cream while she ate it. It was hilarious, but seriously this is how I feel sometimes. So, yesterday I started myself back on healthy eating habits, and today I actually went to the gym - a minor miracle. My high school reunion is in about 6 weeks, which also feels like a good motivator to get my ass in shape. I'm thinking this might also be the appropriate time to do Jillian's 30 Day Shred for a real 30 days - something I have tried and failed to do numerous times. Now I just have to figure out how to leave work early enough to stay on top of this.

Unusual Suspects

It seems like if my usual offenders (Johnny and Everett) are trying to be on their best behavior, which they were today, then other kids feel the need to take over that role in our room. Rylyn is usually a very good little one, but decided to be rude and hide Abbie's coupons from her today. And then lie about it. And Keon, who is normally pretty quiet, was in quite the mood. During our (first ever) reading groups today, he was being a little jokester and then leaned over and smugly whispered in my ear, "I'm sarcastic." 

We've finished our science unit, which is good since all of fish died anyway, and are moving on to social studies - learning about cultures and traditions. I'm discovering that these babies have no idea the difference between states and countries. I was explaining that three of our students have parents from different countries - Philip's parents are from Korea, Amelie's from France and Sweden, and Nathan's dad is from Slovenia. We even talked about how they speak different languages and come from different cultures. To which the kids started responding, "My dad is from Idaho! My mom is from Florida!" I feel like this unit is going to open up a whole world of misconceptions. 

Career Choices

I was too sleepy to post on Friday and have managed to procrastinate it until now - late on Sunday night, trying to put off Monday morning for as long as possible.

Friday was good. This whole mean tough teacher thing seems to be working. Like I said, it is absolutely draining and exhausting, but I am feeling much happier overall.

We had our first Friday free-choice time for my seven students who had next-to-perfect behavior, while the other 15 kiddos went to my teammate's room to write about the poor choices they were making. I received a pile of apology letters, which were sweet. Except look at Kendal's: 

What?! I can read "Dear" and  her name at the end. That is all.

Earlier in the day, we were working on our All About Me books and discussing what we want to be when we grow up. Most of the kids wanted to be whatever their parents are, and there were some pretty normal answers: lawyer, work for the mayor, police officer, painter, doctor, dolphin trainer, etc. Jake said he wanted to be in the FBI, and then everyone wanted to be in the FBI. And of course there were also some funny ones: cowgirl, famous, an artist who makes 3,000 bucks, and (my favorite) a maid. Dream big, babies! 

Really Doing It

Well, I'm really doing it. Today I was as strict as can be. On our behavior chart, I usually only have two or three kids each day who need to move their names, and today I had 15. Not because they were being unusually bad, but because I was being unusually rigid and tough. Those 15 kids will spend choice-time writing about their behavior tomorrow, while my 7 who stayed on green (assuming they can also stay there tomorrow morning), will get to play for 30 minutes. Guess whether or not I had some tears? Kendal just about lost it. She told me later, "Do you know what I'm going to do when I get home? I'm going to put down my backpack, walk down the tile hallway, go to my room, and cry." I think she may have been trying to guilt me into giving her free choice time back. It's not happening. But I still love her.

As exhausting (and sometimes unreasonable-feeling) as this new rigidity is, I am much happier than I was before. And we actually got to have some time to learn today! So there you have it.

I am now done with parent-teacher conferences (besides three that went rogue and are next week) and got home from work well after 7:00 tonight. Pooped, pooped, pooped. 

Happy Anniversary!

One year ago today, I started working at my school. I am incredibly blessed to have a job at such a wonderfully supportive and incredible school. I work with such positive, caring, helpful, kind, and inspirational people. We have one of the most involved, thoughtful, and understanding parent communities imaginable. I genuinely hope that I will still be here in a year, and for many, many years to come. 

I know I've been complaining a lot lately, but everything I just said is one hundred percent true, and I don't want to forget one bit of that. I do not by any means take this job for granted. I am truly blessed.

This morning I went to observe a first grade classroom at another school in our district. As a new(ish) teacher, I am given a couple of half-days to go observe for the sake of professional development. I left my observation with 3 pages full of awesome ideas to try and implement in my classroom, which is both exciting and overwhelmingly daunting. The classroom I was in was ridiculously amazing, especially in terms of the students' behavior. They were practically silent all day, following directions, respectful, and on task. In my class's defense, though, they only had 13 students. 13! That's just unrealistic. 

While I was at my observation, my kiddos had the same sub that came on Monday, and who I now owe a whole bucket of treats. She is amazing and totally laid down the law with them. She started keeping tally marks on the board every time they talked, and got to nearly 100. Not even kidding. I came back to a quiet classroom full of students who were on task and working. I did my best to keep it going through the afternoon, and they did a pretty good job keeping up with it, but boy is it exhausting! I can't be off my game for even a second.

And then I ended my day with a good old round of parent-teacher conferences. I have the other half to do tomorrow still, but so far so good. 

So, yep. I'll just keep on keeping on.

I guess I have a lot to say today...

A trip to Seattle was exactly what my heart needed. I had the most wonderful birthday weekend I could have hoped for! I stayed with Laura and Mike, who are such cherished and wonderful friends, and they spoiled me with gifts and meals and play-time with kittens. I was able to reconnect with quite a few old friends and just breathe in every bit of Seattle that I could. Plus, Mount Rainier was out every day I was there, which is a real treat! Lucky, lucky me.

Instead of spending the day with my crazy little first graders, I spent Monday with my favorite people from when I taught in Washington. The majority of my day was spent with my old work-BFF, Lindsey, and the two adorable baby boys that she's had since I moved away two years ago. It was such a blessing to just hang out and talk with her again, even in the midst of the craziness that is now her life. I desperately miss working with Lindsey and being able to talk to her on a regular basis, so that time was very precious to me. In the afternoon, I actually got to meet up with a few of my old students. Three years ago, I had my first full-time teaching job with sixth graders, who are all now ninth graders, whether I like it or not. I realize that meeting up with your old students is not exactly a normal thing for most (or any?) teachers to do. But the way that my heart operates is that once you're important to me, you always are. And the few girls that I met up with were seriously important to me, even if they were/are sometimes awkward and act like they don't even want to see me. But sweet Sophia, who is brilliant and beautiful and admirable, showed up with a gift (including a glass vile with rocks and water from Green Lake in it!!!) and actually started crying because she was so happy to see me. And then I cried too, obviously. It just reaffirmed for me how much I miss being able to have that kind of connection with my students. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time with these little first graders - they are sweet and cute, but we will never be able to connect on that deeper level like I did with my sixth graders (and a few of my third graders too). I miss the kind of relationship that I could have with my students, which seriously looked so different from what I am able to have this year. 

Anyway.

I came back to find out that my students had been pretty awful for our sub, and Everett took two trips to the office, which is a first. My sub is in our building all of the time, and had even subbed for my kids before, and said the following: 

"You have no reason to think that you are not succeeding with these kids - they are impervious to any kind of verbal directions (that last more than 20 seconds) for the most part. Sorry to say, but you have a very tough group of kids that do not follow directions very well." 

It is actually quite comforting to know that I am not the only one who thinks or sees this. 

I also came back to find this: 

Apparently my fish didn't survive the weekend. I'm actually really sad about Spiky - we had a good thing going. 

So maybe it was because I was sad about leaving Seattle and sad about Spiky and tired as hell, but the kids absolutely broke me today. I cried. Yep, it happened. 

We spent so much of our day relearning how to behave - how to transition to and from the carpet, how to work quietly at our seats, how to read silently, how to play math games, etc, etc. And this afternoon I spent 5 minutes getting them silent (which is nearly impossible), and bribed them with "smiley points" for staying quiet while they packed up, and they didn't even make it ten seconds. After a whole day of this kind of crap, I just lost it. I didn't let them see that I was crying, and they wouldn't have noticed anyway because they were so busy acting like raving lunatics. Then while they were in P.E., I really let it all out to my teammate and special ed teacher.

I am just so frustrated. I feel like I am trying everything I know and have learned when it comes to management, taking in all of the advice that I'm getting, and it's actually getting worse. They just don't. stop. talking. And they don't respond to me at all - when I'm trying to get their attention or trying to tell them something important or trying to teach them or trying to get them to shut up. It's absolutely disrespectful, and they totally don't get it. And I just keep thinking, I have to do a whole year of this?!? I just don't even see how that's possible. Eight more months... it just might kill me.

Here's to hoping that some more sleep helps me keep myself together...

Checked out, checked in!

Today was an early release day, which means that kids went home at 12:25 and we teachers spent the afternoon in meetings. 

My morning: quick but hectic and full of way too many tears! They were totally falling apart. 

My afternoon: incredibly boring. I was sleepy and totally checked out and daydreaming about my weekend. 

Now: I'm at the airport on my way to Seattle!!! I didn't bring a bit of work with me and won't even think about it until Tuesday morning.

Seattle here I come!!!!!! 

Wonderful!

This morning I went into my teammate's room to borrow a book, and as I was walking out one of her little girls literally yelled, "You look wonderful!" at me. With a beginning like that, how could today not be a great day?

And it sure was. While my elderly substitute teacher taught my class (how?), I pulled students out to do their math screener tests. It went fairly quickly and didn't feel as terribly repetitive as our reading test for some reason. 

At lunch time my brother Joshua came to visit me with a special birthday lunch (Snarfs!), gift, and singing Justin Beiber card. It really was so nice and thoughtful and fun!

Then, at the end of the day, Nathan came to visit me in the hallway where I was working. He said, "I have to tell you something weird. Something awkward. There was this thing in my house and it was invisible and picking up my car." We then established that it was a toy car, not his parents' car, and that a "ghost" was picking it up. I was not timid in showing my skepticism, to which Nathan replied, "Some people don't believe in ghosts because they haven't seen them. But I have seen all of them a lot of times." After we talked about this for a few minutes, he continued to go on, "Always remember that I usually do good things, but when I do a bad thing it's because a ghost was telling me to do it. Always remember." Don't worry, I don't feel concerned that he's actually schizophrenic or anything. After all of this, and many "always remember"s (to which I replied "never forget"), Nathan said, "Oh! And one more thing," and then gave me a hug. Precious angel.

Whatever

I'm honestly pretty overwhelmed right now. I had to write sub plans this afternoon for tomorrow because I'll be testing the kids again all day. Writing sub plans and still having to go to work is the worst. But here's what's not the worst - writing sub plans for Monday and getting to spend the day in Seattle! I leave for my favorite city on Friday afternoon, and I am seriously counting down the minutes. Unfortunately, I have a whole lot to do before then, followed by parent-teacher conferences next week, so I'm a little stressed. Yipes.

Today was fine, I guess. I mean they never really stopped talking. Whatever.

I wrote last week about how Kendal threw herself on the floor sobbing because her name didn't get pulled for the treasure chest at the end of the day. Well, today it didn't happen again. And luckily there were no tears, but she did just stand there angrily saying over and over, "I am the s-word." I didn't really get it, but I also didn't really want to ask what she meant. Poor baby.

Zoo Day!!

Today we took our first field trip of the year and it was delightful! After a quick morning meeting, we got on the bus and headed to the Denver Zoo. Once we arrived all of the kids quickly set off with their parent chaperones, leaving my teammates and me completely free to enjoy the day. We got some Starbucks and strolled around the zoo, saw all of the animals and the new elephant exhibit, had a leisurely and delicious lunch, headed back to school, sent the kids off to specials, and called it a day. Ahhh... If only every day were such a breeze. 

On the bus ride home, I sat next to Presley who said this: "When I was a baby, not that much stuff was invented. It was the olden days. There wasn't that much color."